#1 in my series of joining Toastmasters, a non-profit international organization that operates public speaking clubs.
Here's a story I've held onto for a long time: I am a terrible public speaker.
Here's the reality: I've had a couple of presentations where I did not perform well. These experiences were hard pills to swallow, but I've also outsized these experiences. The truth is I've managed many public speaking experiences well, but I don't carry around the emotional weight of events that go smoothly.
Negativity bias is a powerful neurological survival mechanism. We hold on to criticisms, embarrassments, painful memories more than we do positive, or even ordinary experiences. It's hard-wired into us to keep as safe as possible, and our negative experiences seed fearful and avoidant responses. But in reality, fear is an emotion. It's not a fact. It's not a physical barrier. There is no permanence to fear, but it is a hard knot to undo.
The Objective: I know I can get better, and more comfortable with this by taking it head on. Toastmasters has been on my list for a while, and it's been a really helpful forum to work on this, and I'll be blogging what I'm learning through this experience.
The Start Point: In starting new projects, it's always helpful to break down the issues and try to reframe the elements of this with objectivity.
"A problem well defined is a problem half solved"
Here's the shake-out:
Imposter Syndrome: I've had the privilege of getting to work with some amazing teams and organizations. People who are crazy smart and sincerely thoughtful - it's so easy to shift from admiration and respect to feeling self-conscious. I need to remind myself that 1) I've also earned a seat at the table 2) A team works best because every one has unique contributions.
In environments when I am selected to present something, the reality is that I am the subject matter expert in that room. I am the member of the team who has researched it most deeply, and I can feel confident in my preparation. More importantly, the goal is not to make people like me - the goal is to share something I believe will be valuable.
There are people who truly dazzle, but that's not my aim.
Personality & Authenticity: It's taken me a long time to realize that I'm an introvert living in an extrovert's world. Or, in less binary terms, I'm an ambivert. Most people who meet me consider me social, friendly, action-oriented, and are surprised when I tell them that public speaking is hard. I can perform as an extrovert, and even enjoy it, but it's not my baseline. Knowing this has been transformative. It's helped me understand how to show up more authentically. I've appreciated learning that leadership and performance comes in so many forms, the key is to harness what is most authentic.
I don't know: It is inevitable to not have the immediate answer for something. Having a short list of well-crafted responses to rely on reduces the risk of feeling caught off-guard. I respect when people are truthful about not knowing something, especially when they have a framework for how to get to the answer.
Social risk is real: Fear is a response to physical risk, but social risk is also very real. It's why public speaking is such a common struggle. We are social creatures, and the idea of losing social capital provokes our fear response as much as physical danger. There have been too many times I've heard people minimize this as 'it won't be the end of the world'. The truth is, it can fell that way, and it's more helpful to acknowledge this to understand it properly. It's also important to understand the clear delineation of physical from social risk. Physical and Social risk are different, but they both provoke fear in the same way. Fear provokes a physical response. There's adrenaline, jitters, sweat, flushed face, shallow breath, stammers. These can quickly avalanche. But the reality is that while the idea of public speaking can trigger our nervous system, i not in any there is no physical danger. And there are tactical strategies to help regulate ourselves.
What I'm reading:
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